Hard to handle

Six years later, and it STILL baffles me as to how this song was a hit. Perhaps even more baffling to the human mind (and ear) is that some Lexington stations regularly play this song today.

With all the post-Janet Jackson nipple scandal and the Don Imus’ fiasco, radio censorship is at an all-time high. Example: About a month ago, I heard a radio station play “OPP,” Naughty By Nature’s big hit from the early 1990s. Back then, the song played without bleeps (actually those annyoying record scratch noises they use to censor off-color words), but today, the station cut out the words “cleanest” and “meanest.” Not only can you avoid the word “penis,” but you can’t even say something that rhymes with it, which ultimately defeats the clever purpose of the Naughty words.

But, back to the song at hand, Blue’s “Too Close,” perhaps the most popular ode to a boner of all-time.

Check out these lyrics:
Baby when we’re grinding
I get so excited
Ooh, how I like it
I try but I can’t fight it
Oh, your dancing real close
Plus real real slow
You’re making it hard for me

[Verse 1]
All the slow songs you requested
You’re dancing like you’re naked
Oh, it’s almost like we’re sexing (oh yeah)
Yeah boo, I like it
No, I can’t deny it
But I know you can tell
I’m excited, oh girl

[Chorus 2 – Girl]
Step back you’re dancing kinda close
I feel a little poke coming through
On you
[Blue] Now girl I know you felt it
Before you know I can’t help it
You know what I wanna do

[Chorus 1]

[Verse 2]
Baby girl’s dancing so close
Ain’t a good idea
Cuz I’mma want you now and here
The way that you shake it on me
Makes me want you so bad sexually
Oh girl

[Chorus 2]

[Chorus 1]

[Verse 3]
[Blue] I love when you shake it like that, ah, ah, ah
[Girl] I see that you like it like that, ha, ha, hahh
[Blue] I love when you shake it like that, ah, ah, ah
[Girl] I see that you like it like that, ha, ha, hahh

This is allegedly the video, although it sounds different from the radio version. To be fair, though, I could just be distracted by how incredibly dorky these guys are. No wonder they’re writing about their hard-ons — they’re probably not used to getting them. These guys make Color Me Badd look deserving of that extra “d.” (Particular highlights include the look on the guy’s face at the 2:41 mark and the passion from 3:08 to 3:15).

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2 thoughts on “Hard to handle

  1. Ok…

    When we were discussing this topic over wings the other night, something didn’t sit right with me. I couldn’t think of the band that did the song, but what you were describing just didn’t seem to jive with my memory. I worked in a music store when this song was out, so I had the distinct pleasure of stocking hundreds of thousands of millions of copies of the single. These guys (in the above video) just didn’t seem to be what I remembered.

    So, a little research has turned up this little gem…

    It’s the actual version of the song that stormed the charts back in 1998. If memory serves, I think Teddy Riley had something to do with this group. Maybe he had something to do with another of the endless stream of Blackstreet clones that populated 104.5 FM in the post-No Diggity era… can’t recall.

  2. I scrolled down quickly through the lyrics, and I swear I saw the word “chub.”

    Whether or not this is accurate, I’ll never know. I can’t go through this again.

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