I’m not sure that I trust Google.
Oh, Google has never cheated on me, nor has it failed to have my back whenever I needed it the most.
It is, however, creepy.
I recently noticed that Google apparently “reads” my e-mails, offering suggested links after I send or receive a new message. And while I appreciate Google’s efforts to improve the efficiency of my life, I’m not entirely comfortable knowing that a computer is monitoring my words and actions, bringing shades of 2001: A Space Odyssey squarely into my Macbook.
I’m afraid that innocent statements could be misconstrued. It’s not outside the realm of possibility that I could one day type something like this: “I haven’t felt so exposed since I was a child. Pornography truly does have unintended victims.”
Google could very well read that, see the word “child” followed immediately by “pornography” and start making some erroneous deductions, thus causing the police – or worse, Chris Hansen – to knock on my door.
The suggestions, though, are often amusing, having little if any relevance to the topic at hand. Just today I learned more about “a smelly water heater” and a “copper repipe specialist.” When discussing musician David Rovics, Google offered a link to “Realistic Stuffed Monkeys,” which Rovics should immediately use as the name of his back-up band.
Google got me thinking about how to use such things to my advantage, and I quickly realized (with some help from Cory Graham) that I can increase traffic to my blog through the ignorance of computer search engines. Right now, people can access “So … there I was” by searching for various terms on wordpress. The phrases range from the very specific “I’m so lost without you” to simple searches like “Sopranos” and “Kevin is an idiot.”
As a grand blog experiment, I’ve decided to list some highly popular terms to see what word (or odd combination of words) will bring people to this site. I’ll report back later with the results.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to see if someone other than HAL can open these damn pod bay doors.
Paris Hilton Britney Spears nude Strother Kevin Hall So … there I was Katie Beard Cory Graham Aaron Saylor Brinton Epperson Zack Hightower Bill Simmons Sports Guy ESPN It’s All About Jamie Gumbrecht Lexington Herald-Leader New York Mets Boston Red Sox Yankees hug kiss sex BJ McKay his best friend bear Sheriff Lobo Beatles Wilco Bruce Springsteen Guns Roses Led Zeppelin Steve Earle Weezer Coldplay White Stripes Notorious B.I.G. Biggie Smalls Chris Wallace Nirvana Rilo Kiley Jenny Lewis Tom Petty Counting Crows Beastie Boys Amy Winehouse Pearl Jam Lollapalooza Pete Yorn Cold War Kids Fall Out Boy Bright Eyes Pitchfork sucks emo metal rap country bluegrass jazz R&B rock Justin Timberlake Carrie Underwood Kelly Clarkson Jordin Sparks Ruben Studdard Fantasia American Idol Seinfeld Lost 24 Sopranos Gandolfini David Chase Desperate Housewives Heroes SNL Saturday Night Live CSI Law Order NBC CBS ABC Fox Simpsons Homer Marge Bart Lisa Maggie Arrested Development Bluth Freaks Geeks West Wing Studio 60 sucks pretentious want to hit Aaron Sorkin over pompous head Godfather Pulp Fiction Harry Potter Lord of the Rings Star Wars Empire Strikes Back Return of the Jedi Phantom Menace Attack of the Clones Revenge of the Sith Yoda Vader Skywalker Luke Luther Campbell 2 Live Crew Fresh Kid Ice the Chinaman Doo Doo Brown Howard Stern Don Imus Dan Rather Katie Couric Oprah Reagan Bush Clinton Gore Obama Giuliani Bloomberg Republican Democrat UK basketball Kentucky hoops Tubby Pitino Gillispie Billy Clyde Cawood Ledford Rick Bragg fart turd booger vomit blood McDonald’s Burger King Weird Al Yankovic accordion Madonna MC Hammer Vanilla Ice Brando Eastwood Burt Reynolds DeNiro Pacino Jack Nicholson Sandler Farley Spade Will Ferrell Ben Stiller Clooney Pitt Streep Kate Winslet Leonardo DiCaprio Titanic Spider-Man Superman Batman Fantastic Four Silver Surfer Archie Jughead Veronica Betty Reggie Moose Mr. Weatherbee Mrs. Grundy Bo Luke Duke Uncle Jesse Daisy Cooter Lindsay Lohan Pamela Anderson boobs breasts hooters hot wings Bee-Dubs Buffalo Wild Wings BW3s NFL NBA nobody watches WNBA He-Man Grayskull G.I. Joe Cobra Transformers Optimus Prime Megatron Golden Girls 227 Amen What’s Happening Bea Arthur Marla Gibbs Shirley Hemphill sass Johnny Depp Pirates Caribbean Tim Burton Sweeney Todd Demon Barber Fleet Street RENT No Day But Today La Vie Boheme AIDS HIV hepatitis A B C tires NASCAR redneck drunk trash waste of time money fishing hunting bowling golf Tiger Woods Nike Converse Adidas