Don’t mess with texts

Text messaging is trying to ruin my life, one mismatched message at a time.

A few weeks ago, Katie, who was in Arizona visiting her family, sent me a
text message saying she was getting frustrated with a woman who was
talking to her mom. Apparently, this woman, who barely knows the
family, stopped by and was just going on and on and on about personal
family matters, most of which Katie deemed to be horribly
inappropriate.

Not having any better advice, I jokingly sent this response: “You
should kick her.”

Too bad it never went to Katie.

Instead, it somehow managed to make its way to Zack, which I only
discovered after he responded with “Kick who?”

Now, I barely know Zack, as the two of us are starting to become
friends. We’ve made tentative plans to meet, but things always keep
cropping up, and at this point, I’m beginning to wonder if he has
commitment issues. Perhaps he’s recently broken up with another friend
and is afraid to get attached to a new friend.

That might be in jeopardy, though, because Zach probably now thinks
I’m advocating random violence against women.

The next text problem, though, was worse.

On Saturday, I sent a random message to my buddy D.T., checking to see
how his love life was doing.

Me: “You found a lady yet?”

The next day he replied: “Kinda. Why u ask?”

Me: “Just checking on you …”

And we left it at that.

Or so I thought.

I then tried to text Katie, who was returning from Arizona. We had
been disagreeing somewhat, so I wanted to try to check the level of
her anger.

Me: “Are you gonna let me kiss you?”

The response came back: “I would think not. Only if u dressed up like Pamela.”

It made no sense until I realized it came from D.T.

I was both embarrassed and angry at myself. If I was a woman, I would
have kicked me.

• Later, a text message did something else to baffle me. So you know how you can have your phone predict what words you’re typing, allowing it to jump ahead to save you time? I was trying to send a message about an upcoming Hitchcock festival, only my phone somehow thought I was going a different direction as it suggested “Hitchanal.”

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4 thoughts on “Don’t mess with texts

  1. My phone once guessed “Ho good” instead of “I’m home.” This is called the Oh-no Second.

    And good luck with your new relationship with Zack!

  2. I text so much it’s a wonder I’ve not done that myself.

    Don’t kick Zack-he looks like he might be able to put a hurtin’ on you. Just sayin’….. lol.

  3. Man, I’ve been pretty cold to you for a few years now because you sent a message to my wife saying, “I’m tired of this game we’re playing, I’m ready for some real action.” All this time you could have been talking about going from Rook to poker or something and I’ve been so angry.

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