Football, motorcycles and birthdays

Some days, the world just smiles at you.

Saturday was one of those days, and making it better, it was my birthday.

Cory, Shane, Chad, Jeff, Jessica and I had our fair share of wings, burgers, potatoes, etc. while watching UK improve to 5-0 (and a likely spot in the top 10), so that was good enough. What happened afterward as we stood out side Bee-Dubs, though, made it soooooo much better.

Cory’s attempt at telling a story kept getting interrupted as two jackasses on motorcycles kept revving their engines and spinning their tires, all in an attempt, I guess, to severely overcompensate for their small penises. One guy was parked on the concrete instead of the actual parking lot, while the other guy was stationed near a Blazer on the asphalt.

I’m not sure if the two motorcycle men knew each other, but it appeared they kept trying to outdo each other, as the noise (and testosterone) increased. Fed up with the noise, Cory began shouting, “I’m just yelling. No one can hear me. I’m yelling.”

Some of started to join in, but we quickly stopped as Motorcycle Jackass in the Parking Lot lost control of his bike, sped forward, almost crashed into the Blazer and flipped over. Seeing he wasn’t hurt, we started laughing at this guy, whose “impressive” display of machismo (a word Cory and Jeff used earlier in the day and that works perfectly here) ended in an embarrassing display of jackassery.

But the show wasn’t over.

As the other motorcycle guy and the Blazer left, Motorcycle Jackass looked back at the crowd of 10-15 people who were just laughing straight at him. He tried to act cool, giving a look of nonchalance as he pulled away — only to have his ballcap fly off his head.

We exploded with laughter, with some of us pointing at him, Nelson Muntz style (“ha ha!”).

The guy should have left immediately, but he still tried to fight for his pride.

Big mistake.

No sooner than Cory uttered the prophetic phrase “He’s one jack move away from the trifecta” did his engine stall.

Tears began streaming as we laughed at this guy, who clearly began the afternoon thinking he was quite the stud but ended it the butt of many jokes.

Thank you, world. Happy birthday to me.


5 thoughts on “Football, motorcycles and birthdays

  1. Oh lord Jefffffff, it was a thing of immeasurable beauty. Any attempt to retell this story is going to fall flat compared to the “doubled-over, can’t breathe, the room is spinning” laughter of the actual incident.

    It was one of those post-game moments where the entire front porch of BW3’s is packed with people saying goodbye, hugging smoking, etc. So, with a rather large audience, one man made quite the ass of himself.

    … seriously, he should have just left the hat behind.

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