I have nothing to write about.
It’s Monday. It’s 7:14 p.m. This column about It’s a Wonderful Life: A Live Radio Play was due to the newsroom three days ago.
And it would have been, too, except for the teensy little problem I mentioned just 30-some words ago.
For a writer, that’s a bit of a problem.
Compounding the issue, a News-Graphic reporter is due to arrive in 12 minutes (it’s now 7:18; it took me four minutes to think of this. I’ve lost my touch, assuming I ever had it). This reporter, either Jeff Kerr or Rianna Robinson, will no doubt take pictures of the rehearsal, which will be in full dress and makeup tonight. He/she will also probably write about 1,000 words about the play, telling you all about the plot, the characters, the setting and the rest of the Who, What, Where, When, Why and How we learned long ago in journalism school.
Last month, I wrote about John Campbell making his directorial debut with Georgetown Community Theatre, going from prominent roles on stage displaying those wonderful pipes to a behind-the-scenes job as a Frank Capra-in-the-making.
So, as I said, I have nothing to write about.
Or, at the very least, nothing new to write about.
Note: This far into the column, and I’m already facing a fact error as neither Jeff nor Rianna showed up, with Daniel Kelley arriving instead for pictures and writing duties.
I think I’m going to quit. It’s doubtful anyone has gotten this far in this nonsensical rambling, and if they have, they’re likely to stop soon. Why write if no one is going to read it?
It seems a man down on Earth needs some help.
Kevin shakes his head. Actually, he pounds his head in frustration against the piano in the corner.
This theatre group would probably be better off if I’d never been born. OK, maybe that’s a tad on the dramatic side, but at least they’d probably be better off if I’d never agreed to write for them.
Daniel strolls over, first to watch Kevin inflict pain on himself, then to offer a word of encouragement. Well, OK, he let Kevin hit his head a few more times first.
“What’d you say?” Daniel asked.
I wish I’d never agreed to write this.
“Kevin, that’s wonderful.”
“The idea you just gave me. You’ve got your wish … wait a minute — that’s not gonna happen. You have to write this column. I have a huge gaping hole on the left side of the Neighbors page, and Joe Rhinehart isn’t sending anything in this week because your lazy self is supposed to fill that spot.”
But Daniel, I’m a hack. I quit the journalism business almost a year ago. I sold my soul to go into public relations, and now I only write when I blog (shameless pimping ahead: strother.wordpress.com). I don’t have it in me anymore. I’m a failure.
“Kevin, I’ve read some of your stuff. I had no choice. You sent column after column to me, asking if it was good enough to be in a contest. Believe me, you’ve said all there is to say about Georgetown, but this isn’t the city council — this is Georgetown Community Theatre. This is something you’re passionate about, maybe not daily but once a month. Now less whining, more writing.”
I’m drawing a blank. I have no muse.
“OK, then don’t write the (and Daniel used an adult word here that managing editor Josh Underwood probably wouldn’t want in a family friendly newspaper) column.”
No one will miss it anyhow.
“Really? If it’s not there, how will people know about Wade Yeates taking on the legendary role of George Bailey after several performances of unsavory characters like Jud Frye in Oklahoma!, which completely creeped the audience out and left them not knowing he’s one of the nicest people in all of Scott County?
“Or what about Jeff Stone or Steve McClain making their GCT debuts, finally taking to the stage after being impressed with previous performances from the audience side of the room?
“Then there’s Rick Haydon taking part in his second show for this acting troupe but with seven years of experience on stage throughout the Bluegrass. He’s bringing nine voices to the show, including one that is bound to make the crew laugh.
“Let’s not forget Haley Conway Sr., who will be juggling no less than 10 different voices, from Harry Bailey to Sam Wainright — hee-haw. And Big Haley’s son, Haley Jr., affectionately dubbed Little Haley despite his football player’s frame, who juggles a few voices of his own.
“And Kevin, the stage (and backstage) will be filled with the talents of Debra Kumar, Ashley Parsons, Beth Stone, Karen Zamora, Laura Campbell, Ariana De Leon, Austin Conway, Al Washburn, David Perkins, Michael Perkins and Kathy Placier.
“Finally, don’t you want people to know more about John Campbell, who you’ve said is one of your all-time favorite people in Georgetown? Shouldn’t the public have some knowledge about how he’s bouncing across the room, throwing out ideas as soon as they come into his head, editing them as they leave his mouth and creating new ones as soon as the old ones are mentioned? He’s a whirling dervish with a script, a Renaissance man in the wrong century.”
I thought about everything Daniel said (well, maybe he didn’t really say any of it but a fictional version of him in my mind did, and that’s good enough for me). Oddly enough, he made some good points.
I want to write again. Oh God — or maybe Mike Scogin — let me write again, please let me write again.
Writing this column could do some good for some people. These people have worked long hours to make this play fresh for those who only think they know the source material. They deserve to be honored in print, but more importantly, they deserve large audiences to come see them put on one of the best holiday Georgetown Community Theatre shows yet.
And they can, too, if everyone out there reading this just follows these details: Carol Brannock, executive director of GCT, requests your presence at the play. Stop. The show will be held 8 p.m. Dec. 7 and 8 and 3 p.m. Dec. 9 at John L. Hill Chapel at Georgetown College. Stop. Audience members are asked to be seated 15 minutes prior to the start time to be instructed on participation in the show. Stop. Hee-haw, and merry Christmas.
It might not be a wonderful column, but it is, after all, A Wonderful Life.
“Kevin: Remember, no man is a failure who has friends (or copy editors). Thanks for the column. Regards, Daniel.”