I got soul, but I’m not a Soulja

Over the long Christmas weekend, my youngest nephew made an outlandish claim: someone ripped off his dance moves and incorporated them into the “Soulja Boy” video.

This raises many questions, not the least of which is why are my nephews (ages 11, 10 and 6) listening to crap like “Soulja Boy” when perfectly good music is available on their iPods?

I’ll probably never be able to understand this, particularly since my sister isn’t overly fond of much modern music, and the boys are big supporters of Christian rock and rap.

I know this much now: “Soulja Boy” is far from Christian rock or rap.

But first, the dancing.

The youngest nephew is quite an entertainer. For the first two or three weeks of first grade this year, he would show off his dance moves at the end of the day for his classmates. This was not a sanctioned event, like Show and Tell, but was instead his desire to dance dance dance.

Apparently, he was a big hit, if not with the students then at least with the teaching staff, who no doubt made frequent visits to the classroom to chuckle at the audaciousness of this dancing machine.

So, it’s safe to say he’s quite serious with his claim that someone ripped off his moves.

Unfortunately, the move in question just happens to be a big part of the whole “Soulja Boy” craze, which means this boy thinks Soulja Boy is the one ripping him off. Considering that I don’t think Jon and Soulja have ever been in the same room at the same time, I find this highly unlikely and cast major suspicions on Jon’s dubious claim.

Explaining this to a friend (and getting a good laugh at the thought of Soulja Boy peeking in on Jon’s choreography and borrowing some ideas), she pointed out the burning question that I had somehow looked past: Why are they listening to “Soulja Boy” in the first place?

I just assumed it was a mindless song with loud bass and music that caused the young people to want to dance around a bit.

She corrected me and said the lyrics were filthy.

I had no idea the song even had lyrics, at least not beyond, “Soulja Boy, watch me oooohhhhh.” Frankly, that’s the only part I could ever make out.

Turns out, though, there’s more. Much more:

(yuuuuuuuuh!!!)

soulja boy tell em

ayy i got this new dance fo yall called tha Soulja Boy

(yuuuuuuuh!!!)

u gotta punch den crank back three times from left 2 right

(aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh!!!)

Soulja Boy up In dis hoe
Watch Me Crank It
Watch Me Roll
Watch Me Crank Dat Soulja Boy
den Super Man Dat hoe
Now watch me yuuuuuuuuuh
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)
Now watch me yuuuuuuuuuh
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)
Now watch me Yuuuuuuuuuh
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)
Now watch me Yuuuuuuuuuh
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)

Soulja Boy up In dis hoe
Watch Me Crank It
Watch Me Roll
Watch Me Crank Dat Soulja Boy
den Super Man Dat hoe
Now watch me Yuuuuuuuuuuh
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)
Now watch me yuuuuuuuuuuh
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)
Now watch me Yuuuuuuuuuuh
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)
Now watch me Yuuuuuuuuuuh
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)

Soulja Boy up In dis hoe
Watch Me Lean And Watch Me Rock
Super Man Dat Hoe
Then Watch Me Crank Dat Robocop
Super Fresh, Now Watch Me Jock
Joccin’ On dos Haterz Man
When I Do Dat Soulja Boy
I Lean To The Left And Crank Dat Thang
(Now Yuuuuuuuuuuh)
I’m Joccin’ on yo bitch ass
And If We Get To Fightin
Den im coccin’ on yo bitch ass
You Catch Me At Yo Local Party
Yes I Crank It Everyday
Haterz Get Mad Cuz
I Got Me Some Bathin Apes

Soulja Boy up In dis Hoe
Watch Me Crank It
Watch Me Roll
Watch Me Crank Dat Soulja Boy
den Super Man Dat Hoe
Now watch me Yuuuuuuuuuuuh
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)
Now watch me yuuuuuuuuuuuh
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)
Now watch me Yuuuuuuuuuuuh
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)
Now watch me Yuuuuuuuuuuuh
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)

Soulja Boy up In dis Hoe
Watch Me Crank It
Watch Me Roll
Watch Me Crank Dat Soulja Boy
den Super Man Dat Hoe
Now watch me Yuuuuuuuuuuh
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)
Now watch me yuuuuuuuuuuh
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)
Now watch me Yuuuuuuuuuuh
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)
Now watch me Yuuuuuuuuuuh
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)

I’m Bouncin On Ma Toe
Watch Me Super Soak Dat Hoe
I’ma Pass It To Arab
Then He Gon Crank it up for sho (sho)
Haterz Wanna Be Me
Soulja Boy, I’m The Man
They Be Lookin At Ma Neck
Sayin’Its da rubberband man (man)
Watch Me Do It (Watch Me Do It)
Dance (Dance)
Lean’N To (Lean’N To)
Nope,You Can’t Do It Like Me
Hoe, So Don’t Do It Like Me
Folks, I See You Tryna Do It Like Me
Man That Shit Was Ugly

Soulja Boy up In dis Hoe
Watch Me Crank It
Watch Me Roll
Watch Me Crank Dat Soulja Boy
Then Super Man Dat Hoe
Now Watch Me Yuuuuuuuuuuuh
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)
Now Watch Me Yuuuuuuuuuuuh
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)
Now Watch Me Yuuuuuuuuuuuh
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)
Now Watch Me Yuuuuuuuuuuuh
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)

Soulja Boy up In dis Hoe
Watch Me Crank It
Watch Me Roll
Watch Me Crank Dat Soulja Boy
Then Super Man Dat Hoe
Now Watch Me Yuuuuuuuuuuuh
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)
Now Watch Me Yuuuuuuuuuuuh
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)
Now Watch Me Yuuuuuuuuuuuh
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)
Now Watch Me Yuuuuuuuuuuuh
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)

All too clean off in dis hoe
Watch me crank it watch me roll
Watch me crank dat roosevelt den supa soak dat hoe(yuuuuuuhhh)
supa soak dat hoe(supa soak dat hoe)
supa soak dat hoe(supa soak dat hoe)
supa soak dat hoe(supa soak dat hoe)
supa soak dat hoe(supa soak dat hoe)

All too fresh off in dis bitch
Watch me shuffle watch me jig
Watch me crank dat Soulja Boy
Den supaman dat bitch(yuuuuuhhhh)
supaman dat bitch(supaman dat bitch)
supaman dat bitch(supaman dat bitch)
supaman dat bitch(supaman dat bitch)
(ahhhhhhhhhhhhh Yuuuuuuuuhhhh)

Soulja Boy up In dis Hoe
Watch Me Crank It
Watch Me Roll
Watch Me Crank Dat Soulja Boy
Then Super Man Dat Hoe
Now Watch Me Yuuuuuuuuuuuh
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)
Now Watch Me Yuuuuuuuuuuuh
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)
Now Watch Me Yuuuuuuuuuuuh
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)
Now Watch Me Yuuuuuuuuuuuh
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)

Soulja Boy up In dis Hoe
Watch Me Crank It
Watch Me Roll
Watch Me Crank Dat Soulja Boy
Then Super Man Dat Hoe
Now Watch Me Yuuuuuuuuuuuh
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)
Now Watch Me Yuuuuuuuuuuuh
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)
Now Watch Me Yuuuuuuuuuuuh
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)
Now Watch Me Yuuuuuuuuuuuh
(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)

(Yuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhh)

(Ahhhhhhhhhh Yuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh)

Well, that’s just awful.

Looking past, for a minute, the sexual innuendo, I have a major problem with the fact the guy named the dance after himself (or did he name himself after the dance?). How full of himself can he be? At least Humpty Hump had the decency to call it “The Humpty Dance.” I’m going to create a dance, name it the “Kevin Hall,” and when the single drops off the charts, I’m going to create another and call it the “Strother.” This leaves me various remixing options, too, with possibilities like the “Strother Kevin” or the condensed “SKH.”

As for the actual content, let’s start with the fact that Soulja Boy is “up in dis hoe.” Of course, whenever I’m “up in dis (or even dat) hoe,” I, too, often refer to myself in the third person.

I’m not sure what to make of the next part, “watch me crank it, watch me roll, watch me crank dat Soulja Boy.” I can infer what it is to “crank it” or “roll,” but I’m afraid to know what it is to “crank dat Soulja Boy.” Is he now calling his penis by that name? If so, that’s now giving the label “Soulja Boy” to himself, his dance, his song, his album, his Web site and his penis. That’s a lot of “Soulja Boys” to go around. Just wait until he starts having kids.

So then, Soulja (who is just a boy, mind you, and probably not even sure what he’s talking about either), starts to “Super Man dat hoe” and later “super soak(ing) dat hoe.” I hope he at least provides her with a super towel. He later references having some “bathin’ apes,” so maybe somebody is washing down, although I’m really afraid of the possibility of some horrible racial statements going on with that lyric.

There’s really no need to further analyze this song, from my own sheer boredom, my inability to decipher some of this nonsense (and my fear of Googling it) and the fact it really just repeats itself pretty much the rest of the way.

I almost started feeling like I’m sure my grandparents did when they first caught a listen to “The Twist,” but I don’t think Chubby Checker was ever quite so graphic. Sure, twisting the hips has an air of sexuality, but Mr. Checker only alluded to things like supersoaking hoes. His restraint is appreciated.

Of course, the bad news about “The Twist” was that it’s amazing popularity caused ol’ Chubs to release what might be the worst song ever, “Let’s Twist Again,” which contains the brilliant line of “Let’s twist again like we did last year.”

For 2008, let’s hope and pray that Soulja Boy doesn’t feel a need for a sequel.

And for God’s sake, keep him away from The Fat Boys.

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12 thoughts on “I got soul, but I’m not a Soulja

  1. Well said. There is nothing more I can add. Well except the part about how every musical generation is criticized heavily by the generations before and after it. Music is such a culturally contextual issue that it has become really difficult to understand the underpinnings enough for an appropriate and universal analysis. Just kidding, this crap stinks!

  2. Oh, Kevin… you’ve outdone yourself!!!! Too funny… I absolutely hate this song, the dance, etc, etc… My boys (7 & 4), also, love this song and came home from their dad’s singing it. Which, I’m embarassed to admit, cause me to pull it up on YouTube (with my kiddos) and watch many variations of the dance. The list was complete with the Soulja dance performed by SpongeBob, Dora the Explorer, and Lion King just to name a few. All of which are another example of how our society is going to hell in a handbasket!!! I would provide further evidence of this when, at my corporate Christmas party, the Soulja Boy song was not only played by the DJ, but several “professional” colleagues provided us entertainment while trying to perform the Soulja Boy!!! I think your nephew may have a legitimate claim… maybe he should pursue royalties 🙂

  3. I am applaud that they actually play crap on the radio!! Thank God that my daughter, 8yrs, only listens to Alvin and the Chipmucks and the Naked Brothers Band. I have decided that I am extremely happy I bought her an Ipod, and we decided, together, what should go on it. Thanks for showing me the horrors of what is to come as my daughter gets older.

  4. As much as it sucks, I don’t think this song is bad for kids to listen to until they get to the age that they know what ‘superman’ and ‘crank it’ actually mean. Jon is six and he’s worried about stolen dance moves, not supersoaking his hoes. So until the day he comes home with baggy jeans and colored bandannas relplacing his ‘th’s with ‘d’s and asking his bitches for his money, I think he’s gonna be alright.

  5. What DOES ‘superman’ actually mean? As in a verb. To “superman” a ho– what does that entail? Does that have something to do with ejaculation? I only offer that because I assume everything I don’t understand has something to do with ejaculation.

  6. I work in a ghetto school. In an effort to bond with my kiddos one afternoon I told them that they could teach me something- because hey, if you can teach something, then that means you know it. (Note: I teach elementary school, not algebra!) Anywho, I was thinking they may teach me something we had worked on in class, ie: persuasive techniques, how best to defend an argument. But no, they decided to teach me the Soulja Boy dance- now I am a fairly good dancer, especially at parties. . .and like yourself I had only heard the catchy chorus of this song on the raido because I am much too old to listen to quickly spoken lyrics of today’s young pop stars. To be honest, before reading the lyrics and finding out the true meaning of “superman” I liked the song and put it on my iPod to run to, it is very peppy. I now (thanks to you and my friend Chris) know the lyrics and meanings of the song and while I will continue to do the dance in my car (just the hand movements) and the privacy of my home, I won’t be letting my students sing it. . .though, like Jon, I think they are more interested in the dance than the words. . .I hope.

  7. To answer jeffffff: “supaman dat hoe” means to ejaculate on a woman’s back as she’s sleeping, place the sheet on the ejaculate and in the morning, after dries, she wakes with a cape from the sticky sheet.

    And yup, most every rap and hip hop song I hear lately has some masturbatory lyric. I’m starting to wonder if the beat of the song has something to do with the speed at which the “cranking” is done. Just a thought….

    BTW-I laughed out loud, as I can’t stand the song myself.

  8. I loved this post. Great job. I especially liked the “(or even dat)” line. And yes, that song is god-awful. It’s even worse than that “booty booty booty booty booty booty booty booty booty everywhere” song.

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