Gollum would be pissed

Dear T.G.I.Friday’s,

I visited your Lexington location near Fayette Mall the afternoon of Sunday, July 13, looking for a quick, convenient meal with a friend who was under some time constraints but didn’t really want to go to McDonald’s. We have always enjoyed your chain establishment, and for the most part, we had an enjoyable meal on this particular visit.

However …

Might I suggest that in the future, your servers notify patrons of The Great Onion Ring Famine of ’08 (that’s pronounced “aught eight,” which makes it sound more old-timey) so as to avoid any confusion and/or hard feelings.

Somehow, I missed the media coverage of this depletion of resources regarding deep-fried rings of onions, but with round-the-clock reports of important matters – McCain/Obama, rising gas prices, Brangelina’s twins – I can see how this culinary news got pushed to the backburner.

I learned of it firsthand Sunday, though, as I ordered the chipotle grilled steak sandwich, which, I might add, was rather tasty. The fried plantains were a revelation and should be added as their own menu item.

But I digress.

The key issue here involves the onion rings, or, more accurately, the lack thereof. I’m not one to normally photograph my food, but I was so amused by this plate, I had no choice:

The deep-fried definition of “lackluster.”

To be fair, the menu says the sandwich is served with “onion rings,” which is true here, as there is definitely more than one (but not more than four). Might I suggest that you phrase the menu as such: “Served with a smattering of onion rings.” Or, perhaps, “Served with a sample of onion ring (much like Cracker Barrel does sometimes with its plastic shot glass of cole slaw).”

But I really feel guilty about the whole situation. Clearly the staff is rationing the rings, and had I been aware of this necessity, I would have gladly offered mine up to a more deserving party. Someone in the restaurant was probably craving a delicious batch of onion rings, and imagine his/her disappointment when they were presented with, literally, a handful of rings.

Again, Friday’s, I blame it all on myself for my total lack of understanding of this famine, but it now gives me a better feeling for what the Irish went through with their potato famine (only they most likely didn’t have tasty plantains to tide them over). I hope you do a better job alerting the public to this situation, and please accept the enclosed check as the first donation toward rebuilding in this terrible onion ring shortage.

Sincerely (and hungrily),

Kevin Hall

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3 thoughts on “Gollum would be pissed

  1. Fortunately, the great onion ring shortage hasn’t made it to Clay City just yet. Yesterday I had a delicious batch of the tasty treats from Dairy Queen. Of course, it’s possible that our local restaurant owners have just secured a stash.

  2. For some reason the only thing I could think about while reading this was the stock exchange. I’d imagine a phone call coming in and the floor booming with running feet and yells of:

    “PUT ALL OF OUR MONEY INTO ONION RINGS!!”

  3. The only thing I could think of while reading this letter was that the servers, runners, and expo ate them before your plate came out. In all the time I was ever a server, I never saw a plate with fries or rings go out without one or more servers eating off your plate.

    “Waiting” wasn’t made up.

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