Delays in the system

I keep wanting to write my Lollapalooza recap, but I can’t even get motivated enough to dump the pictures off my camera. I’m not so sure I’m as much jet-lagged as I am rock-lagged. I’m old. My body weary.

Making it worse is that I keep getting bad news.

On Sunday, my dog (or technically, I guess, my parents’ dog) died. His name was Duke, and he was a miniature daschund. He was 15 years old, which is pretty damn old for a dog, certainly the longest any dogs we’ve ever owned have lived. According to my parents, he was playing in their yard when he just keeled over, so I’m kinda glad he died having fun.

His failing health — he was almost totally blind, probably about 85 percent deaf, missing most of his teeth (and some of his dental problems led to the most hideous breath you can imagine) and had bad hips — often caused me to ask Mom and Dad if he needed to be put down. Every time I would wonder that, though, I’d see him running (as much as an elderly dog can; maybe it was more of a light jog), barking, playing and just having a big time. Mostly, though, he was lazy (a hard-earned lazy to be sure, but lazy nevertheless), usually resting on the couch, most often with my dad.

I miss the little fella.

And then on Monday, I got worse news when I received a MySpace message from a woman I don’t know. This is what she wrote (in response, I guess, to this picture):

“Anyone ever tell you that you look like Toby Keith???”

I’m guessing she thought she was giving a compliment, but damn lady, you said some hurtful things that you just can’t take back.

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94 thoughts on “Delays in the system

  1. whomever told you that needs glasses… Toby is way more than a neat beard and cowboy hat!!!Toby looka like…He @@ NOOOOOOOO!!!

  2. Wow! Man, that lady is blind. Toby is waaaay better looking. Besides, this guy is fat in the face or he is getting ready to vomit–probably can’t hold his liquor. Beard and hat does not make a look-alike.

  3. Ok first of all YOU ARE NOT even close to looking like the man TOBY he is by far better looking and you can’t compare to his looks the muscles the body the hair oh please tell that girl she made a huge mistake saying that about you.

  4. Let me start off by saying it is almost hillarious you find it so offensive that someone compared your looks to Toby Keith Covel. I think you should have taken that as a very big
    compliment , you should actually feel honored to say the least.
    As to whomever compared your looks to his they really do need glasses and if they already have them they should go a step further and have corrective eye surgery becuse Toby Keith you couldn’t compare to on you very best day.

    I will be a little bit gentle with you though and say sorry about your Lollapalooza the poor little thing deserves this much.

    A Very Defensive Toby Keith Warrior.
    You woke a Sleeping Dog
    Baby !!!! lol

  5. LMAO!!!!!!!! On your best day (which obviously this was not) you couldn’t come close to looking as good as Toby does on his worst day! Eat your heart out, sweetheart! You ain’t no dog, but you sure as hell ain’t no Big Dog!!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. OMG are you kidding me…Toby is hot you are not! I am a Warrior and I know damn well what Toby Keith looks like and you are not it. This just an insult to the BIG DAWG!

  7. You have to be out of your mind to think that being compared to Toby is an insult. Being compared to Toby shouuld have made your day. Toby is HOT and you are NOT.
    Whomever compared you to the Big Dog has NO idea what they were talking about.

    What is up with your cheeks? It does look like you are about to puke.

    BTW, Do us all a favor and lose that horrible hat.

    p.s sorry about your dog. :O(

  8. Toby’s the most talented and HOTTEST looking man in country music. Whoever told you that you look like him needs glasses.

  9. Are you F(*^%^$@ Kidding me??
    You Look WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY< Better than Toby……(“)< What???

    C’mon Cletus…..Look again!!

    *****THE RACK****

  10. You don’t come close! The real Toby Keith is so much better looking. Look in the mirror, and let me go get my own dog. He needs to have a tree to pee on!

  11. Who ever said you look like the ONE AND ONLY TOBY KEITH was blind and needs thier head examined. Toby is a very handsome man. Sorry but this guy is not. Just my opinion. As all the previous posters have acknowledged.

  12. Sweetie, I’ve seen Toby Keith and you are NO Toby Keith… You might pass for him if you were 50 yards away…. at night (a VERY dark night at that)…. and we were blind (like your dog). How Do You Like Me NOW!

  13. Ok… this is the funniest Goddamned thing I have ever seen. I mean, really… I really do think that this is the Alpha and the Omega of unintentional comedy. I’m not completely sure where to begin here… describing Toby Keith as “the most talented man in country music” is a good start, or maybe the line about waking a sleeping dog.

    Actually, it’s impossible for me to top any of the hysterical ravings that have come before this comment. I think my actual favorite is the suggestion that you posted this image hoping that someone would compare you to Toby Keith. I can’t think of anything more pathetic/tragically funny than someone getting up in the morning, grooming up and hoping that someone, ANYONE will tell them that they look like Toby Keith. I am actually laughing out loud at this concept.

    For the record, I think you look like Charley Pride.

  14. It’s obvious to me that although you say you are insulted you were shooting for Toby’s look. Sorry to disappoint you sweetheart but you couldn’t hold a candle to the Big Dog.

    So put your little puppy dog tail between your legs and go sulk somewhere someone cares.

    Don’t EVER mess with a warrior . We are the most fierce and dedicated fans out there.

  15. So… if you guys are “Warriors,” does that make Toby Keith the Ultimate Warrior or does he just settle for being a Honky Tonk Man?

  16. ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah……………………………………………………………………ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

    The next time I need to piss off a bunch of fat middle aged groupie wannabees, I know just what to do.

  17. I don’t know who YOU are, what YOU do, or what kind of “man” you THINK you are.
    But I know Toby.
    He is the proudest American, greatest singer/songwriter and best time lover I’ve ever had IN MY LIFE.
    I met him in Arkansas when he was first starting out and let me tell you one thing mister:
    You couldn’t hold a candle to him in brains or in bed.
    I guarantee you that.
    T.K. rocked and rolled me in ways YOU couldn’t even imagine.
    It was the first time in my life I had an orgasm and for a 45 year old woman that is sayin somethin.
    That man knows his way around a woman. And he is definitely a BIG dog.
    So don’t be so jealous that you can’t have what he’s got, including fans like me that will lick the sweat from his body for hours.
    You’re just jealous and we ALL know that. THAT’S OBVIOUS!

  18. So Toby Keith is so good-looking that he’s sleeping with frigid old women in Arkansas? Sorry, Kevin, but they’ve swayed me over to their side. I can no longer lust after you. I am now going to fawn over a fat man with a lazy eye who makes bad clothing choices. Sorry.

  19. This “granny” could melt the ice out of a damn Frigidaire.
    That “lazy eye” problem you’re talkin about is silly.
    Maybe YOUR the one who has never seen someone with a sexy stare.

  20. Off topic but i’d like to point out that you have to pay for a memership to post over on toby’s site.

    Like he doesn’t have enough money. What a fucking douchebag.

  21. Follow-up to Ninja:

    What kind of raging psychotic is so thoroughly obsessed with a B-list country singer that they will actually fork over money to type sycophantic comments to their redneck messiah!?

    I now view the above Toby Keith fans as legitimate threats to national security.

  22. corygraham-

    Perhaps you more closely resemble your Simpson’s icon? In that case, I can TOTALLY see where you are coming from in your childish rant regarding his looks. I’d agree with you, Toby’s not “The most talented man in country music”…he’s “The most talented BUSINESS, PATRIOTIC, STANDUP, HONEST, GOODHEARTED, DOING IT HIS WAY man in country music”…check the Forbes list and get your facts straight…48 million a year doesn’t lie…and btw, I’m not a middle aged, fat, postmenopausal woman either…I just know a good seed when I see one and Toby’s just that.

    • Suzy, he does look like his icon and I do believe this is the greatest post to this blog I believe I have EVER read… thanks Kevin for allowing me to relive this moment! BTW I know you hate it when I say this, but I seriously just LOL all over the floor.

  23. see his above comment of
    “… I can’t think of anything more pathetic/tragically funny than someone getting up in the morning, grooming up and hoping that someone, ANYONE will tell them that they look like Toby Keith. I am actually laughing out loud at this concept.”

  24. don’t think that was a shot at toby’s looks. i think he was laughing at the concept of someone getting up and trying to look like a semi-famous person in hopes that someone would notice he looks like said semi-famous person

  25. Yep, Ninja is right on target with that one. I never said that Toby Keith was unattractive… but if it will make you feel any better “Toby Keith is unattractive.”

    I’m also not sure why it is that I’d have to check the Forbes list to “get my facts straight” when I never brought Mr. Keith’s earnings into the discussion. But to be fair, Paris Hilton earned $187 million last year, which I guess makes her “The most talented BUSINESS, PATRIOTIC, STANDUP, HONEST, GOODHEARTED, DOING IT HER WAY woman in pop culture”

    Y’know… since we are now apparently measuring artistic value in dollar and cents.

  26. Some of you can keep spewing out your negativity about Toby Keith. I don’t think gives a rats ass about these stupid blogs that try to discredit him. Just more pubilicity for him.
    It is really ironic that all this has come up right before his movie is to be released. Is someone trying to discredit him, in the movie industry, like some do in the music industry, because he does his own thing?
    Keep talking and putting him down. He’ll just laugh all the way to the bank, thanks to you all. too bad noone sees all the good he does for sick kids, for our troops and other things. Always see the bad because you want to. Have a good day.

  27. ahahahahahahahhaha

    This “all come up” because one of you crazy fucking people did a google search for the name “toby keith” , found this blog and posted it on that crazy toby keith web site you have to pay to post on. Then started posting mean things on this blog and sounding like angry teenage girls. which is funny cause you’re all like 50.

  28. and it’s only out of kindness we have not brought up the new movie. that wouldn’t even be fair.

    and you have no idea what ironic means, do you?

  29. I think you do not have to use the language you’re using to get a point across. I didn’t mean just this post. Some have taken the real meaning of his song and made it into something els. I respect your right to say what you want, even if I don’t agree with it as I expect in return.
    Tody’s fans are all ages. Both men and women.
    You didn’t bring up the movie. That’s correct. You probably haven’t seen it, so it’s not right to judge it. Not everyone in this world agrees on everything, likes the same things and that’s a person’s right. Life would be pretty boring if we all did. I wouldn’t have you to argue with, would I? I like a good arguement every now and then, as long as we can keep it clean and a little friendly. Have a good day Ninja. check back with you later.

  30. Ninja Forgot something. To me ironic means that something shows up at out of no where, like these blogs. I do agree with you about one poster. I think she’s the wannabe or wishshehadofbeen Toby’s one night stand. I think that was only in her dreams. To come on to a blog and give such nice details is out of line to me and tacky, tacky. See, Ninja, we do agree on something.

  31. This really is the most unintentionally funny thing I’ve ever seen. And here I thought “Juggalos” were the lowest form of human… turns out Toby Keith has “warriors.” Really? Warriors? You actually call yourself warriors? That’s awesome! You guys are fucking silly!

  32. And also, I’m surprised that Patti Smith is a Toby Keith fan, though I guess her debut album “Horses” could be seen as a direct influence on Toby’s seminal 2006 album “White Trash with Money”

  33. Jefffff Yes I am a fan of Toby Keith’s. Not to the point I would lick the sweat off his body like Heather said. That sounds gross to me. I think he’s a good song writer and has a great voice. Yes, I think he’s goodlooking and sexy. WE all have are own opinion. I have said and will continue to say, that Toby gets cheap shots taken at him all the time. Once in a while, I’d like to see people give him credit for the good things he does. I’m not going to take any cheap shots at you because I don’t know you and shouldn’t assume you’re someone your not. I like a good debate as long as we keep it clean and friendly. Respect each others rights to express ourselves. Keeps this OLD brain of mine active. Hate to forget who I am someday.

  34. Im sure toby does have many fans, men and women of all ages, i have a couple of his cds myself, but the ones posting on this blog all seem to be 40 to 70 year old crazy women. i know because you girls all have your birthdays in your profiles over on toby’s crazy site.

    I love the word “fuck” i say it all the time and always will. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

    You don’t know that woman didn’t nail toby, and no, that’s not what ironic means. no at all.

  35. Ninja Okay you made me laugh with the word. I am not beside saying it myself if I’m made enough. There is just a time and a place to use it. I guess it’s just a word. It’s not taking the Lord’s name in vain.
    Well, that was how I worded ironic. I should have said it is a coincident that this stuff all appears at this time, about Toby.
    Why are we crazy to like someone that has a beautiful voice and sings good songs. Is music just for the young. Is thinking someone is sexy just for the young? Hey, baby, there may be snow on the mountain but there’s still fire in the furnace. We may be old, were not dead. Is it okay for older men to look at a hottie, thinks she’s great, but not okay for a women? you don’t have to look at my bio to see how old I am. I’m 66. Age is just a number. You can be old at 30 and young at 70. Wait until some of you get older. Wonder what you’ll say then. This is just for you” Have a FUCKIN’ NICE DAY’

  36. Sweety, you need to get over yourself….have you ever seen how women scream and tremble when that man steps into a room?? Beautiful women of all ages just melt at the sight of him….bet you’d like some of that attention, eh? You could only hope for that kind of charisma. Just think if you had what he has you wouldn’t have time to whine on the internet about yourself and your miserable day…..Good gosh….are you always this whiney?? Pity the woman that falls for you.

    Sorry about your parents dog….and soooooooooo sorry that you are too old (what are you? 20 something?) and lazy to even upload pics off of your camera….maybe with a little motivation you might just get it together, eh?

  37. Graham- your original comment was that you thought it was laughable that someone thought Toby was the greatest talent in country music. I told you to check the Forbes list, Einstein, because money doesn’t lie and he is one of the top IF NOT THE top country entertainer in that area..So I think the money will follow where the greatest talent is…come on, are you keeping up with me? thanks for the Paris comparison too…SO relevant to the discussion!
    Ninja- I understand the word “ironic” and real clearly the word “moronic” which you all have helped me to better understand this afternoon with your posts and your creative blog…someday when you grow up, and have a real job instead of “blogging” and “whining” on the internet, you might see thinks just a bit differently and also use a higher level vocabulary…especially if you have kids.
    Well, ta-ta kiddies, this “middle age” woman needs to get back to the real world. Isn’t it nap time for you all? Put on some Clearasil and take a nighty-nite…maybe if you are all good kiddies, your middle aged parents might let you have some more computer time.

  38. Let me tell you god damn wiener-chasing liberals a thing or two. When I was a little pipsqueak playin cowboys and terrorists out in the gravel yard, I used to think I knew what it meant to be a man. Men like Kenny Rogers. In the fourth grade, I used to get picked on all the time. That is, until I saw the made-for-tv movie “Coward of the County,” based on the song made famous by The Gambler himself. That’s when I realized I had to stand up for myself, and for what’s right. Sure, they still dunked my head in the toilet, but not until after I gave them an earful of what I thought about it.

    Somewhere along the way I lost that kind of courage. I remember when my girl Ruth left me, for of all things, a colored fella. I just sat there and took it while she packed up all of our Elvis memorabilia and headed off for his apartment over in the HUD area.

    Where was my spine? Where was my sense of justice? I truly was the coward of the county.

    That’s when I turned on the radio. And I heard HIM.

    HE understood. HE knew how I felt. HE could help me move on.

    I heard that Ruth got pregnant from the fella, I think his name was Leroy or something. So, I got good and drunk and in one of my finest moments, called her pre-paid cell phone at 3 in the morning. When she answered, I held up my radio and she got to hear the song that saved my life.

    That song was “How do You Like Me Now?” I would never be the same.

    If you’d have told me that a mere two years later, that would all come crashing down, I’d have told you that you were crazy, my friend. But there it was, my friends, the buildings came crashing down like a barn in a tornado. I was shocked. Devastated. What godless commie could do such a thing? Suddenly, America was that little boy, and some unknown bully was shoving its head in the toilet.

    I was so angry. I felt helpless. I turned to the classics. Kenny offered no songs to deal with this kind of hurt. George Jones only suggested I get right drunk. Who could help me? Who could help America?

    You know damn well who could. HE could. I turned on the radio, and as soon as I heard the words “A mighty sucker punch came flying in from somewhere in the back,” I knew HE had returned. HE could lift me up. HE could pull America’s head out of the toilet. And he did. HE rallied us all together with a message of anger and revenge. It was what we all needed. We’ve been kickin ass ever since.

    So these days, I support HIM. I honor HIM by supporting HIS products. Sure, the Toby Keith model Ford F-150 is a few thousand more than the regular model, but it has that certain something you just don’t get from a normal truck. I can almost feel myself riding shotgun with the BIG DOG himself, mullets flying in the breeze as we liberate the shit out of some backwater heathen country. Sure, the Toby Keith condoms are a little more expensive, but it says right on the box: “It’s as good once as you’ll ever be!” And they only come in one size: BIG DAWG. It’s almost like I’m having sex, but with Toby Keith’s penis!

    How dare you make fun of his integrity?

    I leave you with this. It should sum up what you’ve brought on yourself quite nicely.

    Hey, Toby’s fans put your name
    At the top of their list
    And the elderly woman
    Started shaking her fist
    And the cougar will fly
    And it’s going to be hell
    When you hear Ma Methuselah
    Start ringing her bell
    And it will feel like the whole wide world
    Is raining down on you
    Brought to you courtesy
    Of the Gray, White and Blue – hairs

  39. In reply to :

    Heather
    August 8, 2008 at 10:19 am
    I don’t know who YOU are, what YOU do, or what kind of “man” you THINK you are.
    But I know Toby.
    He is the proudest American, greatest singer/songwriter and best time lover I’ve ever had IN MY LIFE.
    I met him in Arkansas when he was first starting out and let me tell you one thing mister:
    You couldn’t hold a candle to him in brains or in bed.
    I guarantee you that.
    T.K. rocked and rolled me in ways YOU couldn’t even imagine.
    It was the first time in my life I had an orgasm and for a 45 year old woman that is sayin somethin.
    That man knows his way around a woman. And he is definitely a BIG dog.
    So don’t be so jealous that you can’t have what he’s got, including fans like me that will lick the sweat from his body for hours.
    You’re just jealous and we ALL know that. THAT’S OBVIOUS!

    You either need to get a life or wake up from that terrible nightmare you are in becuase it just ain’t happening like you said. LOL

    In reply to :

    suzy
    August 8, 2008 at 12:30 pm
    corygraham-
    Perhaps you more closely resemble your Simpson’s icon? In that case, I can TOTALLY see where you are coming from in your childish rant regarding his looks. I’d agree with you, Toby’s not “The most talented man in country music”…he’s “The most talented BUSINESS, PATRIOTIC, STANDUP, HONEST, GOODHEARTED, DOING IT HIS WAY man in country music”…check the Forbes list and get your facts straight…48 million a year doesn’t lie…and btw, I’m not a middle aged, fat, postmenopausal woman either…I just know a good seed when I see one and Toby’s just that.

    Go get him , give him what he needs not what he wants.

    In reply to :

    ninja
    August 8, 2008 at 4:52 pm
    Im sure toby does have many fans, men and women of all ages, i have a couple of his cds myself, but the ones posting on this blog all seem to be 40 to 70 year old crazy women. i know because you girls all have your birthdays in your profiles over on toby’s crazy site.
    I love the word “fuck” i say it all the time and always will. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
    You don’t know that woman didn’t nail toby, and no, that’s not what ironic means. no at all.

    Shows how the hell much you know darling , profiles LYE , just like you.
    Age is just a number baby doll you will realize that when you grow up from your whinie baby stage and act like a real man.

    Have a good one. LOL

  40. I think all of you haters and naysayers have the wrong idea about Toby. He is a kind, generous, and giving man – on the road, in the studio, and in the bedroom. Why, I remember the first time he made sweet, gentle love to me – his rough kisses, his strong hands, how easily it went, considering how…endowed…he is.

    I mean, I’ve never really thought of myself as a size queen, and I would have thought that the Big Dawg was really a bossy bottom, but no, he’s as much of a top as you might think. Even when he’s catching instead of pitching (and get enough Cosmos in him and he’s more open to it than you’d think), he’s all man.

    So don’t believe the rumors – Toby may like his boys slim, shaved, and cute, but he’s no nellie queen. He’s a big ol’ bear.

    And that thing about him liking to be pissed on is true.

  41. M. Gentry and Heather, you are sick and psychotic!
    Ninja, you are just pitiful.
    Daylan, you are hilarious!
    Why is it that the only way you bashers know to try to prove your point is to start insulting? Why does it matter what age anyone is? We are Toby’s fans, and we are defending him. We call ourselves Warriors because that’s the name of the fan club-we didn’t make it up! He has fans from 6 to 90, male and female, married and single.

  42. good dear lord (lest you thinking I’m taking you lord’s name in vain, I am actually talking about the FSM). this is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen in my life. I didn’t even realize there were enough computers in the state of AK to mount an OMG TOBY RLALLY!!!11!!!one!!, and I doubt these, *ahem* “warriors” have computer access at their Wal-Mart check out jobs.

    threat to national security indeed. the worst part is, they’re probably already raising another generation of ignorant white-bread trailer trash, who think that “irony” has something to do with pressed shirts, and that “Kafkaesque” has something to do with Carl Marx, who they also probably think was the brother with the fedora.

    i deeply, deeply appreciate how you conflate your pop-culture sensibilities along with your (xenophobic and noationalistic, not patriotic) political beliefs and religious convictions. The natural trifecta of G-Dub, Toby, and Baby Jeebus. Not only is that intellectually anemic, but cheapens the mores and beliefs of the political spirit in this country, and demeans your religion into little more than a parody.

  43. “Why is it that the only way you bashers know to try to prove your point is to start insulting? Why does it matter what age anyone is? We are Toby’s fans, and we are defending him.”

    Um. No. You’re all crashing this guy’s blog (which didn’t have any negative content), and started bashing HIM.

  44. Why did this guy post his picture, then put the comment on unless he wanted comments back. Some of this has gone way too far. I said I like a good debate as long as it’s kept clean and friendly. some stuff is really sick. Some stuff should not be posted here or on any board. I, in no way, would go on and make comments about my love life. It’s no ones business, plus I have more respect for myself than that.
    We aren’t white trash. I am proud of who my children have grown up to be. Good providers for their wives and children.
    Drok, you remind me of someone I’ve seen on a different board. Someone who pretends to be intelligent by using big words. Someone who tries to put others down by acting superior. You’re not. By the way, Chico wore the fedora, not Karl Marx.

  45. I see words up there, but all I get out of it is “I’m Protestant and don’t understand the conventions of English.”

  46. I don’t understand what the problem is – I was just sticking up for the Big Dawg by pointing out how great he is in bed, and if other people have a problem with his piss fetish or his fondness for effeminate young men with no gag reflex, well, I think that says more about them than anything else.

  47. How do you “crash” a public blog? If he didn’t want anyone to read or respond, he would have let his friends be the only ones to have access! Yes, I am white and protestant. Is that something you are interested in attacking? Go for it! I’m not walking around with a chip on my shoulder, daring someone to knock it off! I’m perfectly happy with who I am, and what I believe! You say that he didn’t start with something negative? Well, in that case, we haven’t said anything negative either! After all, since you apparently are the center of this universe, we are here to bring you amusement and serve you! Whut be yer plezure massa?

  48. Drok You make no sense at all for the big words you use. If you’re so smart, how come you didn’t spell Karl Marx’s name right. I did and even knew which Marx Bro wore the fedora, Chico.
    Some are interesting to talk to on here and others just need the attention.

  49. You and a couple of others are so full of shit. All you are trying to do is discredit him in any way you can. You will never make me believe that garbage and I sure don’t think his wife of 24 yrs. would believe it either.

  50. well, i had to check in again…and God I’m glad I did. This has been a long day and laughing this hard, this loud, this long has got to be good for the system.

    Well, thank God that the promoters, managers, and artists carefully planned the dates and times for Lollapalooza 2008 to coincide with the release of Toby Keith’s movie on the sheer chance that some guy would show up in an (unfortunate) hat with a camera phone and a blog so that he could post a picture from said phone on said blog with a comment quoted from someone else so that free publicity could be churned up for the release of said movie. The logisitics alone are mind-boggling!

    And, since I’m here…. Against my better judgment, I am going to admit that I have attended a Toby Keith concert with my sister, my Dad, and a good friend of ours. And I will admit that from 10 rows away, with copious amounts of alcohol and a pretty good contact buzz, Toby is nice-looking…if you’re into guys with broad shoulders, curly hair, scruffy beards, and pretty darn cute smiles.

    And if you’re into guys with broad shoulders, curly hait, scruffy beards, and pretty darn cute smiles, let me introduce you to my friend Kevin. I’ve known him for about 15 years (which is honestly a ‘new’ friendship for him…he has known most of his friends for–well, for as long as you middle-aged women have been alive). One of you Warriors said something like, “have you ever seen how women scream and tremble when that man steps into a room?? Beautiful women of all ages just melt at the sight of him….bet you’d like some of that attention, eh?” Well, lemme tell ya…being with Kevin in public is like standing in the eye of a pussy storm. You can’t get help but get some of it on your pants when it ricochets off him.

  51. Is Kevin the writer of this blog – the one in the picture? I agree – he is cute! He just riled up the Toby-defender in us!

  52. God damn daylan, i was really crying by the end of that, but i think cari my have beat you with “being with Kevin in public is like standing in the eye of a pussy storm.”

    Maybe that why he is so good at dodging pussy. lol

    suzy:
    I made my posts yesterday from MY REAL JOB, and I’m making this one from my house that I OWN, so your attacks missed the mark, but i give you an A for effort. You were also on an internet blog in the middle of the afternoon (and lieing about your age). ironic?

  53. Brenda Green:

    Me grow up? You’re the one with a Toby Keith Christmas layout on your myspace page…In August!!

    and why would someone LYE in there profile and say they were 48?

  54. Wow. I’ve heard so much about this trail of comments from middle-aged Toby Keith fans and I have to say it is indeed quite glorious.

    I bet Toby is proud of his cougar army, and justifiably so. God knows this world needs more forty year old women teasing their hair up and lettin’ them stretch marks all hang out! Hey, anybody got some Natural Light? I’d love to get totally wasted on Natural Light, maybe pour a few out on some luscious sun-roasted red titties and just get WILD with it. Mayb e even get me a hummer in the men’s room, what do you say girls?
    Let’s just all get drunk. Toby Keith has a big face. He wears ugly hats, too.

  55. I am so glad Safetymom, sent me this blog. Kev, I never laughed so hard at the cougar computer commandos, that want to ambush you about looking like Toby Keith. Hell I saw the picture and your picture doesn’t even look like you. That makes it even funnier seeing I know the story about when and where it was taken. I am still laughing inside, or maybe it is the drugs I’m on because of my back. Again. Stop by the house and I will let you borrow the bullet proof vest and helmet. I will wash the Kevlar cup so you can use that too. But dont worry the Cougar Commandos won’t shoot you there, they’ll just think you were wearing a thimble. OK, C.C.’s, I’ll beat you to the punch-He can’t work for UPS or FedEx, He got no package. Keep up the good work, Kev. Love the way you got the Granma fired up to tell the world she parts her legs. And those that want to get offended by this go ahead type your next response. You guys are helping take my mind off my back pain.

  56. I’m so glad I waited until tonight to catch up on blogs. This one has to be by far the funniest piece of advertisement for retroactive birth control that I’ve ever had the pleasure of laughing out loud while reading. The blog itself is not nearly as amusing as the comments that follow.

    Hats off to both Daylan and Cari. I quite needed to clean the screen on the laptop reading those.

    Kev, the hat sucks but the guns are still quite an eye full. And I still think you look like Dave Matthews.

  57. Drugs!!! I should have known that was why!!
    What is this obsession some of you have with middle-aged women? Are they supposed to be dead by now or something? Toby is 47 – should his fans be 19?
    Daylan was hilarious, but Cari is pretty strange. This entire thread is pretty off the hook, but fun!

  58. “retroactive birth control”

    I daffed.

    I also wonder… are these women all married to Pantera fans? that would serve my kosmic karma justice circuit really well.

  59. In reply to :

    Brinton
    August 8, 2008 at 9:46 am
    FUTK

    That’s all I got.

    Hells Bells , this is funny , because you don’t even have that.

    In reply to :

    ninja
    August 9, 2008 at 2:55 pm
    Brenda Green:

    Me grow up? You’re the one with a Toby Keith Christmas layout on your myspace page…In August!!

    and why would someone LYE in there profile and say they were 48?

    Hey what can I say Baby , I like Christmas , that and I actually have a life out there other than being on Myspace constantly looking for kicks. I find them elsewere.

    And as for lying on a profile , who said I did ?? Not me !!!
    But then again , you just never know do you ???

    Guess I’ll just laugh my way outa’ here for the last time , you all have fun now , you here !!! No Toby’s around this dump to drool after. lol

    Bye ya’ll

  60. School should be back in Session soon!! And then all these little assholes and Dreamers (sleeping with Toby) will be gone…..I Love your replys there Patti Smith! ELSIETEE?? You are 50???

    Oh fuck!

  61. “Maybe even get me a hummer in the men’s room, what do you say girls?”

    LMFRO!!!!

    You couldn’t get laid in a Women’s Prison with a handful of Pardons!!

  62. And MGentry?

    Toby Fucking you would be like tossing a toothpick in a Volcano! In your dreams maybe Sister, In your dreams!

    That’s it,

    All kids here… Fuck off!

    Love Grandma 😉

  63. Katy,

    Is this what you learned in school?
    You sound like a child.

    I will ask YOU, Have YOU ever heard of Ally’s House?
    You should look it up!

    Hopefully, you will not have a child with a need for a place like that!

    You got anyone over seas fight for YOUR right to post like an idiot?

    Well, I DO! And what Toby Keith does for our troops…..You could not hold a candle to him! Do a little research on Toby.
    Unless you are completely twisted you may see him differently!

    Now get off Mommy’s Computer , brush your tooth, and go to bed!
    Love, Gramma 😉

  64. AND you Stillllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll Can’t claim to look like Toby!!!

    Maybe like a Toby BOWEL MOVEMENT!!

    Nice to see you all have nothing more to say..Guess the BLUE HAIRED BITCHES shut your blog down..AWWWWWWWWWWW Po You!

    Now go suck a Dead Dog’s Dick!!

    Love Gramma!! *.*

  65. Dear Gramma,

    Perhaps we have nothing more to say because, unlike yourself, we have larger interests, more complex lives and dare I say “better things to do” than continue on with what must be the most ludicrous argument in the history of the internet… a coveted prize that I expected could never have been truly awarded until now.

    What’s most concerning, even above how you’ve managed to keep coming back to this post and looking for flames nearly a month and a half after the joke had worn thin, is that you feel compelled to say utterly despicable things about the author of the original post. The lot of you, from Debbie to Patti and on, have insulted a man’s appearance, his masculinity, repeatedly taken shots at his deceased family dog and even suggested most recently that he engage in necrophillic bestiality. All of this, Debbie (or Gramma if you prefer… though I have sympathy for your grandchildren), because a complete stranger felt compelled to mention that another complete stranger said that he looked like a man that you apparently worship in a fashion that would have brought about plagues in the Old Testament.

    So, I’d ask you to look back through those comments and notice that Kevin, the original author of the article that has so drawn your ire, never once replied to you, never once stoked the flames and never once sunk to your level… even if the rest of us did. So, Grammy Debbie, I am about to make a point that based on the evidence I have provided above cannot be disputed or argued.

    Debbie, you are a borderline-psychotic, obsessive bitch with a vengeful streak. Unfortunately you are either entirely too stupid or willfully ignorant to actually know in which direction to project your frustrations with your life, so you decide to anonymously attack a stranger for buying a hat. You are clearly mentally disturbed, an absolute waste of my time or anyone else’s, and from this point on anything you say will likely be met with silence.

    Not because you’ve bested us, Debbie, but because we just couldn’t possibly fucking care less anymore.

    Now, if you don’t mind, would YOU go suck a Dead Dog’s Dick!!

    (Unnecessarily capitalized just for you)

  66. Well My Work is done here!!! LOL!

    I hope when you get home your Mom gets off her leash and Bites YOUR DICK OFF…Assuming you have one! Yup, my work is done here!! Bye Kids…Fuck off…LOVE GRAMMA!!! :P“`

  67. Grandma, did they take your meds away again??? LMAO!!!!!!!
    This is what innocent little Kevie said that drew us here to respond:
    And then on Monday, I got worse news when I received a MySpace message from a woman I don’t know. This is what she wrote (in response, I guess, to this picture): (insert photo, or whatever you would like)
    “Anyone ever tell you that you look like Toby Keith???”
    He enjoys our responses, or he wouldn’t keep doing it over and over! And, we enjoy responding to him, so crawl back in your little hole, and try not to take an internet blog so seriously!

  68. Looks like Coreygraham couldn’t help but reply!

    Grammy Debbie…I think I love you!

    Coreygraham your avatar does make you look like Homer Simpson!!

    As far as I am concerned, Kevin asked for the Attention and he got it!

    Now as Gramma Debbie would say “FUCK OFF’

    Love, Bunnyfufu

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