Yet another reason a true democracy would doom our society

Here I am, surrounded by financial advisors smarter than the average e-mail financial guru.
People are stupid.

I’m sure you know that, but I offer this as proof. Earlier today, I received a forwarded e-mail from a friend, and although I usually don’t bother with forwarded e-mails, this one intrigued me because it was about the proposed federal bailout.

Of course, the original author of this e-mail is unknown, and perhaps that’s best since they would be publicly called a moron.

Here’s the e-mail:
I don’t know about you, but I like how this person thinks!!

I’m against the $85,000,000,000.00 bailout of AIG.

Instead, I’m in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to America in a We Deserve It Dividend.

To make the math simple, let’s assume there are 200,000,000 bonafide U.S. Citizens 18+.

Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and child. So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up..

So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billion that equals $425,000.00.

My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a We Deserve It Dividend.

Of course, it would NOT be tax free.

So let’s assume a tax rate of 30%.

Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes.

That sends $25,500,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam.

But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their r pocket.

A husband and wife has $595,000.00.
What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family?

Pay off your mortgage – housing crisis solved.

Repay college loans – what a great boost to new grads

Put away money for college – it’ll be there

Save in a bank – create money to loan to entrepreneurs.

Buy a new car – create jobs

Invest in the market – capital drives growth

Pay for your parent’s medical insurance – health care improves

Enable Deadbeat Dads to come clean – or else

Remember this is for every adult U S Citizen 18+ including the folks who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company that is cutting back. And of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces.

If we’re going to re-distribute wealth let’s really do it…instead of trickling out a puny $1000.00 ( ‘vote buy’ ) economic incentive that is being proposed
by one of our candidates for President.

If we’re going to do an $85 billion bailout, let’s bail out every adult U S Citizen 18+!
As for AIG – liquidate it.

Sell off its parts.

Let American General go back to being American General.

Sell off the real estate.

Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up.

Here’s my rationale. We deserve it and AIG doesn’t.

Sure it’s a crazy idea that can ‘never work.’

But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block Party!

How do you spell Economic Boom?

I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion

We Deserve It Dividend more than I do the geniuses at AIG or in Washington DC

And remember, The Birk plan only really costs $59.5 Billion because $25.5 Billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam.

Ahhh…I feel so much better getting that off my chest.

That’s fine … except they forgot one thing: simple mathematics. If you take 85 billion and divide it by 200 million, you get this amount per U.S. adult … $425.


You’ll have to excuse my lack of enthusiasm.

Here’s an idea: if you’re going to send out e-mails on how to fix the economy, how about you double check your math first, or, at the very least, make sure your decimals are in the proper spot.



4 thoughts on “Yet another reason a true democracy would doom our society

  1. Where exactly do you begin with this idiotic mess?

    For starters, let’s just look at the basic issue of what happens to goods and services if suddenly everyone in the country is $300,000 richer (since they didn’t bother with their math, I’m just rounding up):

    McDonald’s, for example, is operating under the theory that if you’re eating there you probably don’t have a spare 300 grand sitting in your bank account. Certainly some do, but the demographic disparity does tend to account for the lack of foie gras on your local dollar menu. It’s not as if we’ll all be “secretly” getting our 300 grand, the folks at Mickey D’s are going to be aware of this… do you REALLY think that a double cheeseburger will be yours for a buck the next morning? Business owners don’t charge you less than they can convince you to pay, they charge you exactly what they expect you WILL pay. If you’re walking around with a loaded bank account, the cost of everything in the country is going to skyrocket.

    But that’s ok, right? I mean, so what if a double cheeseburger is suddenly five dollars? Well, what do you think is going to happen to the cost of that double cheeseburger when you, personally, run out of money? Guess what, it’s not going to drop in price back to that original buck… there’s a reason that prices go up and rarely crash back down. Once you’ve been convinced to pay five dollars for a cheeseburger, you’ll consider a three dollar cheeseburger a value! Congratulations, you’re still making the same salary, you’ve blown through your government handout and you’ve tripled the cost of cheeseburgers nation-wide. Thanks for that.

    I also love the fact that the “responsible” citizens of our country will reinvest this money into the stock market. What stock market? By slamming the doors on these lending giants and selling off their collective parts like a depression-era farm sale, you’ve crippled the stock market! The stock market is one big, collective casino and the idea put forth in this email is akin to walking into Caesar’s and putting 85 billion dollars on double zero at the roulette table… no, wait, those odds are too good… how about betting it all on The Raiders to turn it around and win the Super Bowl this year. Just think, if they win it all, then we’ve REALLY made some money.

    But of course, the real fallacy in all of this is to assume that the general public will in any way, shape or form spend this money responsibly. Do you have any idea how many speed boats, diesel trucks, platinum teeth, Hummers and hummers this money will buy? Good lord, we weren’t smart enough to figure out the scam of an “adjustable rate mortgage,” what the hell qualifies us to handle this kind of money?

    If I had enough time (which would likely include the rest of my life) I could continue to line out ways in which this particular email is melting down my brain… without even getting started on the fact that this person is actually suggesting that we all get $425 in the mail in trade for the collapse of not only our economy, but potentially a global economy. I guess it’s not all a negative, though. If you’re a wise investor and hide your $425 under the mattress, it should buy plenty of harmonicas and tins of beans when the next depression hits.

  2. Who’s going to sell $5 cheeseburgers when all the McD’s workers are suddenly ‘rich’ too?

    How come the original author/emailer/dumbass-with-communication-technology never explained why we deserve it? Simply because we’re Americans? Because we’re spoiled Americans?

    How about we break the crafty-decimal-pointism lump-sum payment down by actual deservedness? The morons who got caught up in the dream of being a homeowner no matter the expense and despite any and all research (if they actually researched) only to turn around and default on it get just $425. The rest of us who took time to research, to develop a personal budget, and then decided that it’s is just too good to be true get to split the rest.

    And the stupid ones can serve me my $5 cheeseburger in my tricked out Hummer. Think they’d hold my platinum teeth while I ate?

  3. Oh Cari, you just don’t understand. Just by being born under the stars and stripes we all deserve EVERYTHING, despite how stupid and/or irresponsible we happen to be (I’m going with “and” over “or”).

    I’m just saddened by the fact that I’m one of those stupid Americans that realized that home ownership was just slightly out of the equation right now and remained a renter. It never occurred to me that simply by being born here I deserved a house! I wish someone would tell me these things, as I’m certain that there’s an entire mountain of shit that I currently “deserve” but have never even considered!

    And with your newfound wealth, I’m certain that you can find someone to hold your platinum teeth. If not, you could always bump them down to sterling sliver teeth and use the remaining money to hire a teeth-holding specialist. Wait, what am I saying? Get the expensive teeth AND the teeth-holding specialist. I’m certain that Mitch McConnell will eventually bail out those suckered in by teeth-holders all across this country.

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