No, really Hammer, we’re on our hands and knees asking you to to stop inflicting harm

Eighteen years ago, I entered the world of music.

On Christmas morning in 1990, I received my first stereo and CD player, which at that time was a gigantic beast of machinery. Compact discs were cutting edge, with a sound that blew the doors off cassette tapes (not so much albums, though, but those can’t be easily played in a car).

And with such a present comes the need for actual compact discs (enough of that – why am I not calling them CDs, or CD tapes as my friends and I are known to do?). My first four were hot at the time, but only one remains anywhere near my playlists of today.

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No Fences by Garth Brooks
At the time, you couldn’t not own this album. Plus, I was crazy about Garth (that’s what he goes by back home) in those days, back before I knew anything about music. That’s not totally fair, though. “Friends in Low Places” remains one of the best country songs ever recorded, and this album is a great pure country record. It’s too bad Garth went completely batshit crazy.

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Pickin’ on Nashville by The Kentucky Headhunters
I still listen to these guys from time to time, and nothing sounds as great as those opening notes of “Walk Softly on This Heart of Mine.” In fact, I’m going to listen to this one on my drive to Powell County over Christmas. Seems fitting.

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Please Hammer Don’t Hurt ‘Em by MC Hammer
You deny it now, but you loved this one back then. “U Can’t Touch This” remains a benchmark single in terms of rap and still gets people moving, from London to the Bay. Unfortunately, it also brought the world “Have You Seen Her,” which is undoubtedly one of the worst singles ever released, and Hammer pants, which as I’ve said before were usually just white dudes in Zubaz.

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Wilson Phillips by Wilson Phillips
You know what, I’m not ashamed. “Hold On,” with its harmonies and soaring chorus was (and still is) a fantastic single. So what if they looked stupid singing it on a mountainside in the music video. OK – I’m a little ashamed.

So, kids of today with your David Archuletta and your Fall Out Boy, just remember that at one time, I was 15, too, and I leaved in a world in which we truly had to beg MC Hammer not to hurt people.

Yes, he hurt some, but I think most of them held on for one more day.

With that, I wish you the merriest of Christmases and ask you to leave the names of your first CDs in the comments below.

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6 thoughts on “No, really Hammer, we’re on our hands and knees asking you to to stop inflicting harm

  1. Hmm, for my first CD’s I had 4, but I can only remember 3 of them. The first is “Beneath the Remains” by Sepultura. The next just happens to be a metal classic; Metallica’s black album. Although it’s not revered as the greatest, it’s definitely when they made a splash. Too bad it was mostly commercial. I loved it at first, but rarely finding myself going back to it, due to it being the first “new” Metallica. Great album, but not high on my metal favs list. The third is definitely a metal classic, and quite high on my favs list; Pantera’s “Vulgar Display of Power.” This album still reigns today as one of the best metal albums ever, and Pantera has been (and always will be) considered one of the heaviest and best metal acts. They sadly broke up circa 2001. On another sad note, any true headbanger will definitely know of “Dimebag” Darrel Abbott, who was murdered onstage a handful or years ago with his new band Damageplan. Dime, we love and miss you.

  2. Blues Traveler and GNR, Appetite for Destruction- I still listen to them both. I will be in Stanton Friday night, I’ll throw in a little Garth and think about the good ol’ days and all of my friends in low places. . . Merry Christmas, friend!

  3. Since we have already established that our musical tastes vary greatly (i.e. Wilco….again, I tried today, still can’t get over the whacked guitar riffs);I’ll place my first selections here knowing you are either cringing in pain at the choice or laughing hysterically.

    I can barely remember my first CD, but I think it was U2’s “Achtung Baby”. As the first CD ever released was on by Dire Straits, I had that at some point, but it wasn’t my first purchase.

    I do, however remember the first cassette I ever owned-Blondie’s “Parallel Lines”. I liked that a woman fronted this….and she looked like she could bite nails in half.

  4. Ah, that takes me back!

    I was getting my first CD player about the same time, and I got 2 Alabama CD’s–“40 Hour Week” and “Roll On”.

    Both are still on my iPod Nano today.

    My wife looked at me last week and said, “Do we have every ‘Alabama’ CD ever made?!” Yep.

  5. What a fun thing to remember! And, my first Compact Disc?–I remember it well. Still have it; still listen to it. Still amazed by it. “The Nightfly” by Donald Fagen, whom I feel is/was the brillance of Steely Dan.

    It was one of the first fully digital products on the market at the time and one could really tell it was so when compared to other CDs that were digitally recorded but analog mastered and produced.

    I need to dig it from the bottom of the stack this weekend. I’ll consider it a ‘stocking stuffer’ from me to, well, me. Merry Christmas and safe travels.

  6. Sawyer Brown’s “The Dirt Road,” homey. Think I stole it from my dad. Second was Ace of Base’s “The Sign.” Yes, I have a sister.

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