Please pray for Notre Dame football

I am a Notre Dame fan.

By this, of course, I mean Notre Dame football. I’m not even sure they play other sports in South Bend, but even if they do, they don’t have Touchdown Jesus.

What those other sports probably do have, assuming they exist at all, are fans with reasonable expectations. The football team, on the other hand, comes in each year with lofty goals, including the BCS Championship and Solving World Hunger.

And each year they fail, probably coming closer to solving the hunger issue than they do winning a title.

Now, Notre Dame is one again looking for a head coach, having fired Charlie Wess, the former New England Patriots offensive coordinator who just never could seem to get it together for the Fighting Irish. Despite have a loaded team this year (one that former coach and current ESPN commentator Lou Holtz predicted to be in the national title game), the Irish finished with a 6-6 record, including unceremonious losses against Navy, Connecticut and Stanford.

While I don’t think Weis was exactly blazing his own path of glory on the sidelines, the guy had a knack for bringing top talent into the school. If the Irish could string together some sort of defense – any sort of defense – the team would no doubt have a better record, and Weis would still be the coach.

Because of the lofty expectations around the team, Weiss got shoved aside (which is no easy task given the fact he weighs about a metric ton), and Notre Dame officials have started the search for a replacement. Urban Meyer, head coach at Florida, tops that list, as well he should, but there’s not a chance in the world he’ll leave Gainesville for South Bend. Yeah, the Irish might have Touchdown Jesus, but at Florida, Meyer is a god.

Other coaches on the list – Oklahoma’s Bob Stoops, Cinicnnati’s Brian Kelly – have said they’re staying put, although in Kelly’s case, he has to say that right now since his team is still undefeated and playing for a major bowl game. Once the season is over, I’m guessing Mr. Kelly will have a different attitude.

On Thursday, my friend Cory told me that Notre Dame’s updated coaching list includes Skip Holtz, son of Lou Holtz, which is about the only qualification Skip could bring to the job. I hope this isn’t a sign of how far Notre Dame truly as fallen.

The following is an undedited transcript of the chat Cory and I had about Notre Dame’s coaching search:

Kevin: that’s the worst coaching list i’ve ever seen. i half expect to see Bruce Reynolds’ name in that mix.
Cory: hahahaahaaha. it’s really a pretty gyp list. not for, say, the louisville job,.but for Notre Dame, it sucks.
Kevin: was Jeremy Davie or Todd Willinghame not available?
Cory: they aren’t returning calls
Kevin: as a notre dame fan, here’s what i hope happens: i hope they completely botch this.
Cory: sounds like you’re getting your wish.
Kevin: they had a coach who had problems, sure, but was far from terrible. they jumped the gun and fired him w/o a clear plan in place, and then all their wishlist candidates said no, so they’re forced to hire someone completely unqualified and out of their league. the program sinks even lower. after two years they fire the new coach … and hire John Calipari.
Cory: that’s probably more likely than you think.
Kevin: i’m not joking (other than the Cal part, obviously).
Cory: breaking up with a coach should be like breaking up with a girl. you don’t just dump her because you’re a little tired of her unless you have something better in mind. now, if she beats you or is otherwise abusive, that’s one thing (Eddie Sutton), but you run the risk of being notre dame. you’ve broken up with your coach, but times have changed since you started dating
Kevin: yeah, Charlie Weis was the fat chick, but he’s better than someone from The Bottoms.
Cory: you’re not captain of the football team anymore, but you’re still hitting on girls like you are. meanwhile the hot young girls who were into you have married guys like Oklahoma, Florida, etc. they’re happy there and you’re left with a single mom recovering from an oxycontin addiction. the real kick in the ass comes when you end up miserable with Skip Holtz (who is the messed up younger sister of the girl you REALLY loved) while Weis gets back together with Belichik and wins another super bowl
Kevin i hope they skip Holtz and go to the next candidate
Cory: hahahaha. the UConn guy is really pretty good, and Harbaugh seems to be real, but neither of those have that rockstar quality that we were expecting
Kevin: it’s going to see Springsteen and ending up with Cochran.
Cory: it’s that feeling you get when “On the Dark Side” kicks up and you realize that it isn’t “Candy’s Room”
Kevin: well, you’ve gone over my head.
Cory: actually, i meant “she’s the one” i think. it’s that eddie and the cruisers song
Kevin: ahh
Cory: Florida’s DC is the leading candidate for the Louisville job. that sounds more impressive than the ND list.
Kevin: Hiring Skip Holtz is wanting Urban Meyer and getting Orbin Hatton
Cory: it’s Rural K-Mart
Kevin: He’s the Mountain Lightning of coaches. (that’s the citrus soda currently sitting on a nearby desk).
Cory: Hiring Skip Holtz is like when your parents told you that you were going to an amusement park this weekend, then set course for Camden Park
Cory: Skip Holtz is planning a trip to the races, only to find out that your friends are going to The Red Mile.
Kevin: Getting excited about hiring Skip Holtz is like being thrilled over the special feature of chapter stops.

As you can probably tell, no one is excited about the possibility of a Skip Holtz Era at Notre Dame. I have no idea who they’ll hire, but for fans’ sake, let’s hope it’s a good one.

Touchdown Jesus, save us all.


7 thoughts on “Please pray for Notre Dame football

  1. Look at what Skip Holtz has done at ECU in just 5 short years. He’s beaten 6 BCS Teams, and some very GOOD non BCS teams, to include Boise State.

    ECU won a Conference Championship last year, and are playing for another one tomorrow.

    I don’t want Skip to leave ECU. But Notre Dame would be complete fools to not consider him.

    Simply look at his record and what he has accomplished at ECU.

  2. skip holtz sucks.

    If Notre Dame hires him they may as well go ahead and apply for membership to the Ivy League.

    Of course, they aren’t gonna hire him. The new ND coach will be Brian Kelly. I think it’s a done deal. It’ll be announced tomorrow after the Cincy/Pitt game.

    Go Irish!

  3. Skip Holtz is the coach who turned UConn around. Edsall was HIS replacement. He turned around ECU too. He understands the school, raises academics where he coaches and wins with players who are at the bottom of the recruiting list. That sounds like the ND job to me.

  4. I truly hope that ND thinks that Skip sucks and leaves him alone. We sure don’t want to lose him at ECU.

    But again…..if he is not seriously looked at, then you are basing your opinion of your next coach on a man crush of some sort.

    Look at Holtz’s record. Look at who ECU lost to and who we beat over the last 5 years that Holtz has been here.

    Seriously….take 5 minutes and check out what the man has done.

  5. What is it with you Notre Dame people. claiming that Skip Holtz would be a step down for “Notre Dame” football” with all your metaphors and such. Wake up, and welcome the reality. Notre Dame is a has been. Young high school athletes do not want to go to this school anymore, when they can go to a Florida, Georgia, USC, etc…. Notre Dame had really been anything in over a decade except for those two ten win seasons during the intial charlie weis era. I never have understood all the spotlight that is put on this school. The only people these days that like Notre Dame and talk about them all the time are like 40 or 50 years old. I just dont get it. Considering all the other schools that have grown to prminence during that time…By the way…I am an ECU fan and although I would hate to lose Skip…..he is more than qualified to coach at that just “average at best” program. Notre Dame fans just have too much pride and live in the past to accept the fact that you need help…just admit it already….

  6. Notre Dame’s last five recruiting classes were ranked #8, #8, #2, #21 and #12 by Rivals. Check facts before you say that kids no longer want to go to Notre Dame.

    Notre Dame’s problem has not been a lack of, or an inability to attract top talent. The problem has been coaching. Many Irish fans, myself included, fear that coaching would continue to be the problem if Skip Holtz is hired. Sorry, but going 8-4 in Conference USA every year isn’t gonna cut it. ND needs a proven head coach from a BCS conference. I’m thinking Brian Kelly or Bob Stoops.

    Skip Holtz has done well enough at ECU and he may actually be the real deal. But this is a crucial hire for Notre Dame. They can’t afford to blow it. Hiring a HC from C-USA is just too risky.

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