Go ahead: call me shallow.
That’s fine. I really don’t mind. I’m comfortable enough with who I am to admit that I am, to a degree, shallow. We all are. Most people just don’t admit it. Sure, we like to believe that personality counts for everything, but let’s face the truth here: personality counts most in the long run, but for that initial, immediate attraction, physicality plays an important role.
That’s not shallow. That’s just life.
So, armed with that, I followed a friend’s lead and joined a dating website earlier this year. I had no real intention of actually following through with any dates, but I thought, at worst, it would be interesting to see how this internet dating works while allowing it to stroke my ego.
I didn’t anticipate almost immediately finding someone I was attracted to, both in terms of looks and personality. I sent a message, received a relatively prompt response, and the virtual courtship began. We soon agreed to meet for a casual meal/getting-to-know-you meeting.
Perhaps my shallowness caused me to get in over my head.
I guess the easiest way to say what happened is that the woman didn’t look like she did in the pics she has posted.
Well, that’s not entirely true. The actual easiest way to say what happened to is to say she was fat. Not curvy. Not heavy. Not a few extra pounds. No, this was just obesity at its best. Or worst, I guess, depending on your vantage point.
A friend asked me just how big she was. This is the best way I could describe it: You know that scene in Willy Wonka when Violet Beauregarde turns into a blueberry? Well, it’s like that, only if someone had turned her into a giant whiteberry with a very bad dye job. She literally had trouble getting in and out of my vehicle, finding herself hoisting her not unsubstantial self up and down the seat. The move left her out of breath. It kind of tired me, too.
I finished the date, thinking I could at least have some good food (but mostly knowing I had picked her up and taken her to the restaurant; there was no way she was walking home). At one point, no joke, I honestly considered the possibility she had on a fat suit and I was being filmed for something. I thought, “Man, I will look good on this TV special. This guy here isn’t a jerk, that’s for sure.”
Toward the end of the date, I had a Keyser Soze moment from The Usual Suspects, piecing together things she had previously said and then realizing that she had been dancing around the weight issue. During our first phone conversation, she made the following statement: “I meet a lot of guys, both in real life and online. I get asked out a lot. I don’t get a lot of second dates, though.”
At the time, she suggested it might be because of her brains, saying many guys can’t handle dating a smart woman. This could be the case. Or, and I’m just throwing out ideas here, it could be because you look like you ate the Burger King, the Dairy Queen and the rest of the whole royal fucking family of fast food. I guess it could go either way.
Look, I realize this sound awful, but it’s not my intention. I don’t care if you’re tall, short, fat, thin, whatever. You are who you are, and I say embrace yourself. What does bother me, though, is being misleading. This woman knows she has extra pounds. That’s cool. She should have posted recent pics showing her current look, though. Otherwise, she cannot be disappointed when guys turn out to be somewhat shocked by her unexpected weight gain.
By posting only the old, pre-weight gain pictures, she has acknowledged that she is not comfortable with her current self. Why would anyone want to date someone who lacks self-confidence? She’s employing a bait-and-switch tactic, hoping that guys will look past her weight and take her for her personality.
Am I shallow? Yeah, I guess I kind of am.
But, then again, she’s a liar.
I think that makes us about even.
So ... there I was 
BWAH!!!!!!!
Someone may well accept her for her personality, and that needs to be something someone is aware of at the time of closing the sale, so to speak. “I know this person has flaws, and that’s okay because he/she is up front about it, and I really like his/her other attributes.
Now you know. If a woman doesn’t post a full picture of herself on a dating site, it means she’s fat!
For the ladies – if a man is wearing hats in all of his dating site pictures, he’s bald!
For the record – I don’t know if I’d have let her get into my car, fat people can do serious damage to your car seats!
Not a lot of luck in love lately, Kevin? My grandmother would say the only place to find a good woman is church. Not where anyone I know found theirs, but you never know.
“Am I shallow? Yeah, I guess I kind of am.
But, then again, she’s a liar.
I think that makes us about even.”
And that, my friend, is all that needs to be said. There are some benefits to online dating, but that one word “liar” never seems to make the cut in the “Describe Yourself” section of the profile.
Oh, I have some good on-line dating stories for you. But since you’re a novice, I’m sure you now realize that you should always meet at the restaurant. Don’t ever trap yourself on the first date. If it’s as bad as you describe, you can always go to the restroom during dinner and never find your way back…
Julie, I didn’t want to pick her up. It was her suggestion. I’m thinking she’s had some people pull the ol’ disappearing act before.
Another classic sign that you missed! You’ll learn… 🙂
I would steer clear of the online dating. Not only could the physical be odd, but what if you get a crazy person.
Oh my god, this is almost exactly what happened to me on Saturday. It’s really frustrating because it’s a lot of money and time wasted on her.
How do you counter that though? What’s the solution?
Mr. Anonymous: care to tell more about what happened?