Office Depot-sition: An online battle with a customer service robot

I have to find a new desk for work to accommodate my injured knee and looked at Office Depot’s website to get a few ideas. Not being a frequent desk-shopper, I chose the option of talking with a “live representative” through a chat feature. I now offer you the complete, unedited transcript of that chat:

Please wait while we find an agent to assist you…
You have been connected to Becky.

Becky: Hi Kevin.

Kevin Hall: Good morning.

Becky: Welcome to Office Depot. How may I assist you?

Kevin Hall: I am in need of a new desk/workstation with certain accommodations.

Becky: I will help you in this regards.

Kevin Hall: First, we need to consider my height: 6’2″, so one that is adjustable is preferable

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Becky: May i have the description of the item that your are looking for so that I can assist you better.

Kevin Hall: What do you mean?

Kevin Hall: I need a desk.

Becky: Okay Kevin I will help you with the item number

Kevin Hall: I don’t have an item number.

Kevin Hall: I’m asking to help me find possible desk to use

Kevin Hall: Is that not an option here?

Becky: Sure I will help you .

Becky: Please give me a moment while I check that for you

Kevin Hall: Are you a real person or an automated response system?

Becky: Please take a look at this item Realspace® Broadstreet Contoured U-Shaped Desk, 30″H x 65″W x 28″D Desk With 92″L Connecting Bridge/Shell, Cherry (Item# 475994) and let me know whether you are looking for this item.

Kevin Hall: No

Kevin Hall: Just never mind. This isn’t going to be useful at all. Have a great day.

Becky: I am sorry Kevin let me check it again for you.

Kevin Hall: I was trying to explain what I needed. I don’t think you can help me.

Becky: I will help you Please give me few seconds to check that for you.

Kevin Hall: To check on what? I haven’t said what I’m asking for.

Kevin Hall: Are you a real person?

Becky: Yes Kevin I am checking it for you.

Kevin Hall: Are you real? Just answer that question.

Becky: Yes Kevin . I am a real person to help you with your questions .

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Kevin Hall: You keep saying you’re checking on something for me, yet I haven’t told you what I need.

Becky: I apologize for the inconvenience . Please give me a minute to review your request .

Kevin Hall: What request?

Kevin Hall: Seriously. Which request are you reviewing so hard that you need a minute?

Becky: Please bear with me . I am checking with my inventory for the desk you looking for .

Kevin Hall: You’re honestly taking a full minute aren’t you?

Kevin Hall: I haven’t told you what desk I’m looking for.

Kevin Hall: I want you to answer this: What exactly are you looking for the inventory?

Becky: I have already requested you to provide more specification of the product you looking for . But you are keep asking ” Are you a real person?” . Please help me with the specification of the item you looking for , So that I can help you with the item .

Kevin Hall: Yes I “are keep asking” because you don’t seem capable of providing any sort of response an actual living breath human would provide.

Kevin Hall: But you keep telling me you’re looking in the inventory, so how about you tell me what you’re looking for since you have it all figured out?

Becky: Please know that I am not able to understand you properly . Please confirm me are you looking for a computer desk or Work station

Kevin Hall: Please know that you can’t understand me properly because before I could finish telling you what I wanted you said you were looking for options.

Becky: I apologize for the inconvenience . Please let me know that specification of the item you looking for now . So that I can help you with the item .

Kevin Hall: I don’t think you can help me. I’m going to say goodbye now. So that I can go to Staples for help.

Becky: Please help me with the item specification . So that I can help you better .

Kevin Hall: Hey Becky … guess what?

Becky: Have you found the item you are looking from us

Kevin Hall: No, and because I was looking for good customer service, I don’t think I ever will either.

Becky: I sincerely apologize for the inconvenience.

Kevin Hall: Bye, Becky. Keep a cool tool and don’t let your meat loaf.

Becky: I sincerely apologize for the inconvenience caused in this regards.

Kevin Hall: On the plus side, I’m now really craving a delicious meat loaf. Do you have any good recommendations for a recipe?

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Kevin Hall: Are you looking them up?

Becky: Yes Kevin.

Kevin Hall: What side dishes do you recommend with meat loaf?

Becky: I apologize, but unfortunately researched all our available resources, we donot carry the item that you are inquiring about in online

Kevin Hall: Do you like Def Leppard?

Kevin Hall: Wait a minute! You mean to tell me Office Depot can’t help me with meat loaf recipes?

Becky: May I be of any further assistance?

Kevin Hall: Does that mean you think you’ve assisted me thus far? You didn’t find a desk, a meat loaf, side dishes or tell me if you like Def Leppard. Although I bet you’re more of a Whitesnake girl, aren’t you, Becky? Yeah you are!

Becky: Please note that this chat will be terminated due to inappropriate language.

Thank you for chatting with Office Depot. We value your feedback. Please click here to answer a few questions about your chat experience.

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