The Steve Guttenberg Bible, or Why I Think Police Academy Movies Should Continually Be Remade

When I decide to run for president, I’m running on one campaign platform and only one, mainly because it’s all I will need to destroy my opponent in a Reagan/Mondale-type fashion. My platform? Every five years, Hollywood will produce a new Police Academy movie featuring the top comedic stars of the time.

1,000 Words: Boy bands 4-eva, or A Boy Band of Brothers

At a Halloween party in 2009, the three guys pictured below (from left, John Martin, who was originally dressed as “John Martin;” me, dressed as Tobias Fünke from Arrested Development; and Cory Graham, dressed as Alex from A Clockwork Orange) decided we should have a picture taken in the style of mid-1990s boy bands. John Martin as “John Martin” is the only one who remained in his original costume for the album cover, but we each added on layers of boy band awesomeness for our debut album, Stairway to Nowhere.

Stay out of the black: End Piracy, Not Liberty, or Allow Me a Few Minutes on My SOPA Box …

Maybe you like the black box and the emptiness that accompanies it. Maybe you like being part of a soul-sucking void.

Entitled titles: Do some movies deserve special treatment?

Toward the end of 2011, I began the process of converting all my existing DVDs into a digital format, partly to have everything available on a computer, mostly to free up space in my house.

I’m at about the halfway point of converting the films, but I’m now faced with a dilemma as I move toward my favorite titles/directors: Do I keep any hard copies of the movies from my favorite directors? There’s something about having the actual DVDs from Scorsese, Eastwood, Anderson (both P.T. and Wes), Tarantino, Spielberg and others that I find comforting.

Everlast-ing love, or How I’m Finally Proven Right Over a Misheard Song Lyric

When House of Pain’s “Jump Around” first debuted in the 1990s, I didn’t care too much for it because of one of rapper Everlast’s boasts, which I found to be not very, well, boastful.

Lowered Expectations: My Official List of Things to Do in 2012

UPDATED Jan. 17, 2012
I guess I need a better list.

The past few years, I have started January with a list of fun pop-culturey things to do in the following 12 months. The list can range from eating a one-pound hamburger to watching four movies in a theatre in one day (both of which I proudly accomplished).

2011 Skullz Fantasy Football: Back to back to back, or How I Dominated Again

I’ll keep it simple.